Funny Stories | 24x7 Fun Online

Showing posts with label Funny Stories. Show all posts

Showing posts with label Funny Stories. Show all posts

Funny Story of a Boy Friend

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

Funny Story

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "Careful! Put in some more oil! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them!

Turn them now! You need more oil. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more oil?

The eggs are going to stick! Careful, careful! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. Use the Salt! The Salt!"

The wife stared at him angrily, "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you how it feels like when I'm DRIVING and you do the same! ! !"

Funny Story of 50-20 rupees

A little Indian Boy wanted Rs50, so he prayed 4 weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided 2 write a letter 2 God requesting Rs50.

When post office staff received a letter addressed 2 God, they forwarded it 2 the President.

... ... President was so amused, she instructed her secretary 2 send the little boy Rs 20. As she thought Rs50 would be a lot of money for him.

The little boy was delighted with Rs20 & decided 2 write a thank u note 2 God.

'Dear God, Thank u very much 4 sending d money. However, I noticed dat u ev sent it through 'Rashtrapati Bhavan' (Through Government Building) & those corrupt donkeys ate my 30 rupees! :D'

A Funny Story of a Boy Friend

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everyth...ing there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

Funny Story

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and

listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy,

God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her

prayers, which went like this:

"God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her

say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock.

He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the

day he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late,

what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day

of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened HERE."

He asked "What"??????

.

.

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.

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.

She said "This morning our neighbor James suddenly died."

Interesting Management Stories: Part 2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene :
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

Interesting Management Stories - Part 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene Inside the lion's cave: In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES

Why people commonly says a human max age is 100 years

Here a funny story to clarify that:

God had created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "

The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15years.
" God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live

20 years. "

The monkey answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
..........................................................................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally God created man...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals..
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only

20years is very little,
give me the30years that the donkey refused,
the 15years that the dog did not want and
the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
.........................................................................................

And since then, man lives

20years as a man,

marries and spends

30years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

What do you think about it ? Don't you agree ??????????

Ultimate Relationship !

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages?.. . I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son I.e. My brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems.. ?

What's life without "i" - A Funny Story

It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday,

and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made

me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the

iRon can be integrated into the home

network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

iHurt

LEARNING to LIVE without RECOGNITION is a SKILL

Story of Pig And Horse:

There was a farmer who collected horses; he only needed one more breed to complete his collection. One day, he found out that his neighbor had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered his neighbor until he sold it to him. A month later, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:

- Well, your horse is infected by virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.

The next day, farmer gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached the horse and said:
- Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!

On the second day, farmer gave him the medicine and left. The pig came back and said:
- Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three...

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the veterinarian said:
- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.

After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
- Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on.... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:

- It's a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the pig!

Points for reflection:
This often happens in the workplace. Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who's actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.

Do you want to take DAY OFF ? Check this.... n think....

Lets take a look at what you are asking for :-

There are 365 days in the year available for work.

There are 52 weeks in the year, in which you already have two days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 50 minutes each day in coffee breaks which accounts for 25 days per year, leaving only 68 days available.

With 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend two days per year on sick leave.

This leaves only 20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you take that day off

Credit Card Bill - A Funny Story

In March 1992 a man living in Newton near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another and threw that one away too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.

The following month our hero decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had been cancelled.

He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now overdue.

Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.

Finally giving in he thought he would play the company at their own game and mailed them a cheque for $0.00. The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.

A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a cheque for $0.00. After a lengthy explanation the bank replied that the $0.00 cheque had caused their cheque processing software to fail. The bank could not now process ANY cheques from ANY of their customers that day because the cheque for $0.00 was causing the computer to crash.

The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his cheque had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a cheque by return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt. The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.

A Beautiful Story of a CHILD

A little boy went to a telephone Booth, which was at the cash counter of a store,

...and dialed a number.

......The store-owner observed and listened to the Conversation:

Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn.."

Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.."

Woman: " I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.."

Boy: (with more perseverance): "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.."

Woman: "No, thank you.."

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.

The store-owner, who was listening to all this,

walked over to the boy.

Store Owner: "Son..., I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a Job.."

Boy : "No thanks.."

Store Owner: "But you were really pleading for one..!"

Boy: "No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that Lady I was talking to..!"

This is called

"Self Appraisal.."

Which Country HELL is the best ? - A Funny Story

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the *German hell* and asks, "What do they do here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the * USA ** hell* as well as the *Russian hell *and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the *Indian hell* and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!!

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