Showing posts with label Software Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Software Jokes. Show all posts
A Novel Approach to Saving Money
ENGINEERS AND ACCOUNTANTS. A novel approach to saving money.
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
Software Jokes
Types Of Women
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
Ideal `ORKUT' profile of a Software Engineer
Ideal `ORKUT' profile of a Software Engineer
About me : I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not.
I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok…I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me–> "Just stop laughing!!")
Relationship status : What?
Birthday : The day my Project Leader is about to fire me.
Age : 101111111111
Here for: Web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion : I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : The guy sitting beside me is a pig!
Humor : Daily in office hrs visiting sites like funtoosh
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Living : Come on, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a Software engineer? Believe me, I am living!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage : naukri.com, jobsahead.com, hotjobs.com – Isn't it Ultimate???
Passions : searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: Quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities : Are you crazy?
Books : "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored
Music : Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing or doesn't make sense.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi but anything available within 200 meters of my cubicle!
About me : I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not.
I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live !! Ok…I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me–> "Just stop laughing!!")
Relationship status : What?
Birthday : The day my Project Leader is about to fire me.
Age : 101111111111
Here for: Web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion : I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : The guy sitting beside me is a pig!
Humor : Daily in office hrs visiting sites like funtoosh
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Living : Come on, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a Software engineer? Believe me, I am living!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage : naukri.com, jobsahead.com, hotjobs.com – Isn't it Ultimate???
Passions : searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: Quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities : Are you crazy?
Books : "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored
Music : Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing or doesn't make sense.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi but anything available within 200 meters of my cubicle!
Software Jokes
"DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
Software Jokes
There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...
1. HARD DISK Girls :
Remember everything forever.
2. RAM Girls :
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
3. SCREEN SAVER Girls :
Just for looking.
4. INTERNET Girls :
Difficult to access.
5. SERVER Girls :
Always busy when needed.
6. MULTIMEDIA Girls :
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.
7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.
1. HARD DISK Girls :
Remember everything forever.
2. RAM Girls :
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
3. SCREEN SAVER Girls :
Just for looking.
4. INTERNET Girls :
Difficult to access.
5. SERVER Girls :
Always busy when needed.
6. MULTIMEDIA Girls :
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.
7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.
Interesting Management Stories: Part 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene :
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT
Software Engineers Life......
Software Engineers LIFE........
BEFORE THE INTERVIEW
AFTER THE INTERVIEW
DISCUSSING IT WITH MOM
GOT THE OFFER LETTER
FIRST DAY @ WORK
WORK ASSIGNED
INTRODUCTION CALL WITH THE CLIENT
ERROR IN CODE, OH GOD WHY ME?
FIXED IT, COOL ; )
ISSUE SIMULATED AGAIN, WEIRD
@#!@#!@#!@#!@#@!#
FIXES APPLIED AND WORKING ; )
THINK I NEED TO MARRY SOON
HOOOO , HR GIRL HAS ACCEPTED TO MARRY ME ; )
WOW MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE SETTLED
MARRIAGE DAY
After Marriage I Am Missing ;)
BEFORE THE INTERVIEW
AFTER THE INTERVIEW
DISCUSSING IT WITH MOM
GOT THE OFFER LETTER
FIRST DAY @ WORK
WORK ASSIGNED
INTRODUCTION CALL WITH THE CLIENT
ERROR IN CODE, OH GOD WHY ME?
ISSUE SIMULATED AGAIN, WEIRD
@#!@#!@#!@#!@#@!#
FIXES APPLIED AND WORKING ; )
THINK I NEED TO MARRY SOON
HOOOO , HR GIRL HAS ACCEPTED TO MARRY ME ; )
MARRIAGE DAY
After Marriage I Am Missing ;)
Interesting Management Stories - Part 1
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene Inside the lion's cave: In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES
Intresting for IT people
Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a Female - Online chat.
(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)
Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ).
Manager : Hey, I need some help from you
Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.
Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero : Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!!
AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!
(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)
Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his desk ).
Manager : Hey, I need some help from you
Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.
Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero : Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM ...!!
AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!
Use these tips When you are feeling bored in the office
1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your PL or TL.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there.
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Have work breaks in between tea.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Read jokes and send jokes.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s
16. Make faces at strangers in office.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
18. For Windows users...Move things to Recycle bin and restore them.. Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old.
20. Learn to whistle.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
And if you are still getting bored:
22. Share this post to everyone u know !!!
2. Make blank calls to your PL or TL.
3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there.
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Have work breaks in between tea.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Read jokes and send jokes.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s
16. Make faces at strangers in office.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.
18. For Windows users...Move things to Recycle bin and restore them.. Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old.
20. Learn to whistle.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.
And if you are still getting bored:
22. Share this post to everyone u know !!!
Salary Day.....!!
All this happens with Most Husbands on each salary day.......
Wife: Where is your salary
Wife: Show me your Pockets...
Husband: I'll not give the money...... U spend all of my salary.....!!!!
Wife: Give me way..... I am going for shopping.
Wife: Thanks Sweetheart...........bye :)
What do you really mean ??? [Dr Mann's list of the main workplace lies]
It's a pleasure ==> What a hassle.
Glad to be of help ==> I'd rather be doing something else.
Have a nice day ==> Drop dead, it's all the same to me.
How are you ? ==> Spare me the details. I really don't care.
Long time, no see ==> Thank God.
Can I help you ==> Oh, please say "No".
That's really interesting ==> What's for lunch ?
Lovely outfit, is it new ? ==> My God, I bet they laughed you out of the shop.
Did you have a nice weekend ? ==> Please spare me your usual rambling account.
Can't stop, I've another appointment ==> With the speaking clock.
Sorry to hear your hampster died ==> Get a life.
Of course this idea will work ==> Your guess is as good as mine.
I would love to be involved in this project ==> I would rather scrape graffiti off walls.
No problem ==> So long as I reschedule my life for the next week and work until midnight every night.
Funny Leave Letters
See how people write leave Applications
It's murder of English Language. But Too Funny.
Just Read It.
The Leave Applications ;)
Infosys , Banglore : An employee applied for leave as follows :
" Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one week leave. "
This is from Oracle Banglore:>From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
It's murder of English Language. But Too Funny.
Just Read It.
The Leave Applications ;)
Infosys , Banglore : An employee applied for leave as follows :
" Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one week leave. "
This is from Oracle Banglore:>From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
LEARNING to LIVE without RECOGNITION is a SKILL
Story of Pig And Horse:
There was a farmer who collected horses; he only needed one more breed to complete his collection. One day, he found out that his neighbor had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered his neighbor until he sold it to him. A month later, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:
- Well, your horse is infected by virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, farmer gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached the horse and said:
- Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, farmer gave him the medicine and left. The pig came back and said:
- Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the veterinarian said:
- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
- Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on.... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:
- It's a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let's kill the pig!
Points for reflection:
This often happens in the workplace. Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who's actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.
Five reasons for computers must be Female...
- No one but their creator understands their internal workings.
- Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
- The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
- The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
- As soon as you commit to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
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