What do you really mean ??? [Dr Mann's list of the main workplace lies]

It's a pleasure ==> What a hassle.

Glad to be of help ==> I'd rather be doing something else.

Have a nice day ==> Drop dead, it's all the same to me.

How are you ? ==> Spare me the details. I really don't care.

Long time, no see ==> Thank God.

Can I help you ==> Oh, please say "No".

That's really interesting ==> What's for lunch ?

Lovely outfit, is it new ? ==> My God, I bet they laughed you out of the shop.

Did you have a nice weekend ? ==> Please spare me your usual rambling account.

Can't stop, I've another appointment ==> With the speaking clock.

Sorry to hear your hampster died ==> Get a life.

Of course this idea will work ==> Your guess is as good as mine.

I would love to be involved in this project ==> I would rather scrape graffiti off walls.

No problem ==> So long as I reschedule my life for the next week and work until midnight every night.