Funny Jokes | 24x7 Fun Online

Showing posts with label Funny Jokes. Show all posts

Showing posts with label Funny Jokes. Show all posts

Sardarji Rocks....

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.

Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr: Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Sardar: We lost the duplicate key!!

Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....

Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar: ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..

Marketing Terminology explained in a Funny Way

A Professor explained Marketing to MBA students

You see gorgeous girl in party, you go to her & say I am rich marry me That's Direct Marketing.

You attend party & your friend goes to a girl & pointing at you tells her. He' is very rich, marry him - That's Advertising.

Girl walks to you & says u are rich, ca...n u marry me? "That's Brand Recognition"

You say I m very rich marry me & she slaps u "That's Customer Feedback"

You say I m very rich marry me & she introduces you to her husband "That's Demand & Supply Gap"

Before you say I m rich, marry me, your wife arrives That's Restriction from Entering New Market

Jokes

Boy: Hi
Girl: What?

Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?

Boy: I'm rich...
Girl: Oh! Hi. My name is Nthabiseng but you can call me "Baby".
I'm 19 & I stay in Actonville . I love short dark men... especially like you...
& I'm glad to meet you. So, when are we going out?

Boy: No, no, no "Rich" is my name...
Girl: Sorry I don't talk to strangers

*************************************************************

Women have a Passion for Mathematics
.
.
.
They divide their age in half
.
.
.
.

Double the price of their clothes &
...
...
Always add at least 5 years to the age of their Best Friend.

******************************************************

We know Taj Mahal as a symbol of love. But the other facts are lesser known it seems.

1. Mumtaz was Shahjahan's 4th wife out of 7 ( great)

2. Shah Jahan killed Mumtaz's husband to marry her ( excellent)

3. Mumtaz died in her 14th delivery ( wow )

4. He then married Mumtaz's sister ( amazing)

wow man! that's some REAL love he shown there!!

**********************************************************

..New age poem..
Chatting chatting...?
Yes Papaaa!!!

with new boy frnds?
No Papaaa...

Telling lies...?
No Papaaa... ;)

Open ur facebook...!
ahahahahaha.... :(

Jokes on Teacher and Student

Funny Teacher Student Joke
Teacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old.

Maths Joke
A teacher asked student, What is the full form of Maths?
The student answered, 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students'

Hilarious Student and Teacher Joke
Teacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE

Dumb Student Joke
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Pluto and Neptune. Everyone must attend it.
Sudent: Sorry my mom wouldnt let me go so far.

Funny Joke
The teacher asked, 'Give me an example of Coincidence?'
Student replied, My mom and dad got married on the same date.

Silly Teacher Student Joke
Teacher: How old is your dad.
Student: He is as old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Student: Because he became a dad only after I was born.

Hilarious Teacher Comedy
Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
Student: Bamba'lakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I dont understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.

Software Jokes

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...

1. HARD DISK Girls :
Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Girls :
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls :
Just for looking.

4. INTERNET Girls :
Difficult to access.

5. SERVER Girls :
Always busy when needed.

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls :
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.

Onsite Vs Offshore

Funny Interview - Ha! Ha! Ha!

OFFICER----------------WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?

CANDIDATE-----------------M P. SIR

OFFICER----------------TELL ME PROPERLY

CANDIDATE---------------MOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER--------------YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?

CANDIDATE----------------M P. SIR

OFFICER-------------WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE-------------MANMOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER-------------YOUR NATIVE PLACE

CANDIDATE--------------M P. SIR

OFFICER------------IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?

CANDIDATE-------------NO, MANI PAL SIR

OFFICER------------WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?

CANDIDATE-------------M P. SIR

OFFICER------------(ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?

CANDIDATE------------METRICPASS

OFFICER-------------WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?

CANDIDATE------------M P. SIR

OFFICER------------AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE-------------MONEY PROBLEM SIR

OFFICER------------DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY

CANDIDATE-------------M P. SIR

OFFICER------------EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY

CANDIDATE----------MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR

OFFICER-------------THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW

CANDIDATE---------- -M P. SIR

OFFICER----------------WHAT is it NOW

CANDIDATE-------------My Performance....?

OFFICER----------------M P!!!!

CANDIDATE------------WHAT IS THAT SIR

OFFICER--------------MENTAL PROBLEM

Funny Jokes / SMS

Boy:I sent love letters to my girlfriend everyday for 3years.
Friend:Then what happened?
Boy:Nothing finally She married the postman.

A kid gets zero in a paper Father angrily asks Whats this?
Kid:Teacher didn't have more stars to give so she started giving MOONS.

Best thought of life: Be talented in front of everyone. But always be a fool in front of dear ones.

Owner to Servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant:It's raining.
Owner:So what take an umbrella and go.

DAD:dear son,why your sister sitting so silent
SON:Nothing dad sister asked lipstik, but i gave fevistik.
No chip chip no chik chik

New Economic Analysis Its better to have a Long distance Relationship Because, S.T.D. rates are much Lower than Fuel Rates

Teacher:How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? student:I get up early.

There only one difference between dream n aim. Dream requires Soundless sleep to see where as Aim Requires Sleepless Efforts 2 Achieve.

Why we have so many temples if God is everywhere?
Air is every where but we need a fan to feel it. Think about it.

Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS:

1 Too Many Questions.
2 Difficult to Understand.
3 More Explanation is Needed.
4 Result is always FAIL.

Funny Story

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.

That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and
said, "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

Rahul gandhi and his love ???????????

Do you know once rahul gandhi was the name most googled from india manodiki 40 vachai kani inka pelli kale

Indira married a Parsi, Rajiv married a Christian and Rahul can marry a Muslim. This will truly be national integration.
Will he go for fatima bhutto

enduku india lo ammailu lenattu pakistan danni cheskondam

with gouri khan (kani kani line eyi line eyi)

Will she suit

try this

or this

will he go for a dalit

There are also rumours that rahul is already married to a coulmbian girl named juanita
no pics yet

My wife loves my beard * Funny Story *

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard. I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.

That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping. The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

Sardar Reloaded.....

1 - Interviewer: What is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

2 - Manager asked Sardar at an interview, "Can you spell a word that has
more than 100 letters in it?"
Sardar replyed: P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

3 - After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me, "are you a foreigner?"

4 - One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

5 - Lecturer: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti
So Sardar writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is
Jayanti.

6 - Interviewer: Just imagine, you're in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar : It's simple. I will stop my imagination! !!

7. Sardar : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardar : You said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.

8.. Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool. I have a pass."

9. Sardar joined new job.
1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

10. Sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

11. Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto.
A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
Sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

12. Sardar : What is the name of your car?
Lady : I forgot the name, but it starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal di gaddi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaari gaddi
petrol se start hoti hai.

13. American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai.
Sardar: Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.

Funny Cartoons

Funny Cup Design

Funny Cartoon - India in coming years

Funny Ghosts talking about Cellphone Towers

Funny Rhyme by a Husband

Funny site polish cartoon

Funny Toilet Message

Funny Classroom question and answers

Use these tips When you are feeling bored in the office

1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.

2. Make blank calls to your PL or TL.

3. Count your fingers (and toes if you get bored).

4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else chair just to irritate him/her.

5. Send mails from ms-mail to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there.

6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.

7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.

8. Have work breaks in between tea.

9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.

10. Read jokes and send jokes.

11. Revise last week's newspaper.

12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.

13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.

14. Compile "How to waste your day"

15. Pick up phone and dial non existing no.s

16. Make faces at strangers in office.

17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at a time.

18. For Windows users...Move things to Recycle bin and restore them.. Then repeat this process.

19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old.

20. Learn to whistle.

21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.

And if you are still getting bored:

22. Share this post to everyone u know !!!

Funny SMS - 5

Do you know the full form of COLLEGE: C-Come, O-On, L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each, G-Girl, E-Equally...... Thats why boys go to college

The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass N flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn`t it rain on you?

Young Girl Praying - Please God Marry Me With Intelligent Man. God Replied - Thats Impossible, Because Intelligent Men Don`t Get Married.

Those beautiful eyes, That incredible body, Such a brain, Nice Smile....... But that is enough about me, tell me how you are?

Definition of a nurse: Nurse is a beautiful dashing girl holding ur hand looking in ur eyes and still wants ur pulse will be normal.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

If you need friend call me. If you need a help approach me. If you money.. "SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED".

A: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
B: Amazing,I got divorce for the same reason.

Husband:Today is Sunday n I have to enjoy it.So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband:for u and your parents.

when things go rong,when tears flow 4rm ur eyes, wen sadness fills ur heart,plz inform me-coz my frnd sells tissues BUY ONE GET ONE FREE.

Funny SMS - 4

Why do bosses prefer round table conferences? So that no1 can corner them.

Why are men like commercials? You can`t believe a word they say.

You R the one who is CHARMING, U R the one who is INTELLIGENT, U R the one who is CUTE, and I am the One who is spreading these RUMORS.

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also? Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me

My nights are going sleepless, my days are going useless. So I asked GOD, "is this love?". GOD replied, "no dear, result is near".

My heart problem has reached such a critical stage that doctor says there are only two options left: Either I C U or U C Me!

Call, if i m cute... Miss call, if i m gorgeous Text back if i m pretty Text a joke if i m charming Just ignore if u r jealous

Prospective husband : Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'? Sales girl : The fiction department is on the other side, sir

Why God Create U Before Me? Want To Know? Because He Wanted To Create A Sample Before Creating A Master Piece...

Lady Secretary:Sir, it`s ur wife`s call. She wants 2 kiss u on the phone. Boss:I am busy. u may take the message N pass it on 2 me later.

Wife's Phone Number * Funny transitions *

A newly married husband saved his wife's mobile number on his mobile as "My life"

After 1 year of marriage he changed the number to "My Wife"

After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to "Home"

After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to "Hitler"

After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to "Wrong Number"

Amusing Exam Answers - 1

Funny Leave Letters

See how people write leave Applications

It's murder of English Language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications ;)

Infosys , Banglore : An employee applied for leave as follows :

" Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one week leave. "

This is from Oracle Banglore:>From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"As I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:

"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."

A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."

Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:-

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

Can you identify Birds by seeing their Legs ?

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of small paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. Our student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."

The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

The student pulled up his trousers to the knee showing his legs and said, "You tell me..."

Subscribe to: Posts (RSS)