Showing posts with label funny messages. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny messages. Show all posts

Funny Story of a Boy Friend


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that  after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents!  Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
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Sardarji Rocks....


Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay" 


Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!. 


Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr: Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Sardar: We lost the duplicate key!!


Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office.... 


Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar: ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa.. 
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Too Good Messages !!!

 When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away,come    along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist!!

 If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

 During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

 Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds...... Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a fool....

 I wrote ur name on the sands............. it got washed away,
 I wrote ur name in air..........................it got blown away,
 So i wrote ur name in my heart.............i got a HEART ATTACK

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.The wife decided to make a wish,too. But                she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

 LOVE is like a CIGAR
 It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
 But dont worry - we are chain smokers

 ur smile can be compared to a flower
 ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
 ur innocence to a child
 but in stupidity
 u have no comparison
 u r the best

 True love is like a pillow
  u can hug when u r in trouble
  u can cry on when u r in pain and
  u can embrace when u r happy
  so when u need true love
  spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
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Funny Messages

Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ........pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence
Student : WOW !

The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in love

SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide
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Few more Funny SMS (Jokes)

Banta: What is the best way to see flying saucers? 
Santa: Pinch the waitress.



Appu: Do you know that it is not fall that kills you, it is the sudden stop at the end.



Pappu: When is it unlucky to see a black cat? . . . . . . . 
Appu: When you are a mouse.



Whats d difference between ppl who pray in Temples and ppl who pray in Exam Centres? Those in d exam centres r damn serious.



All of our politicians play KBC in reverse manner. They make crores and crores first and then answer the questions later.



Appu: I have been trying to think of a word for two weeks. 
Pappu: Its a fortnight.



Wife: Can u explain 2 me how dis lipstick got on ur collar? 
Husband: No,I really cant.I distinctly remembrd havng taken my shirt off.



Lady: When you are finished with me, will my husband think I am beautiful? Beautician: May be, does he still drink a lot?



Pappu to Appu: The planes are so fast these days that there is no time to get acquainted with the air hostess.



Preeto: I won't marry you, and you know why? 
Jeetho: No, I can't think. 
Preeto: That's why.
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Smile cost you Nothing.... get here for FREE

A Smile costs less than Electricity.. But Gives more light.. So Always Keep Smiling n Prove that you are the Best Tube Light.





Life is like a MOVIE.. If u r sad-DRAMA, If u r afraid-SUSPENSE, If u r angry-ACTION, When u look at the mirror-HORROR.





You are the most SENTIMENTAL friend of mine: One percent SENTI Ninety Nine Percent MENTAL.





You are so cute my dear friend: C-Causing. U-Unnecessary. T-Trouble. E-Everywhere.





What's the difference between stupid and idiot? Stupid will delete this joke. Idiot will forward this joke. Ha ha,what will you do now?





Urgent:Chloroform is out of stock in the hospital. Can you please send a pair of your socks?





Examiner:What is Microsoft Excel student:It is a new brand of Surf Excel to clean the computer.





What a woman wants is what you are out of. She wants more of a thing when it is scarce.





Appu: I want you to explain why I have to wear these same old clothes. 
 Pappu: Bcoz if u don`t, you could scare the dog.
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Funny Leave Letters

                                       See how people write leave Applications

                                 It's  murder of  English Language. But Too Funny.

                                                        Just  Read  It.  

   
                                             The  Leave  Applications ;)


                             Infosys ,  Banglore : An employee  applied  for leave as follows :

" Since  I  have  to  go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one week leave. "


This  is  from  Oracle Banglore:>From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year  old  son:
       
                        "As I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."


          Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:


                           "As I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."


                                            From H.A.L. Administration Dept:


"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."



                                  Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:


"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"



                                                An incident of a leave letter:


                           "I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."



                                           A leave letter to the headmaster:


       "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"



                                  Another leave letter written to the headmaster:


                         "As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."



                                                        Covering note:


                                             "I am enclosed herewith..."



                                                           Another one:


                        "Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."



                                       Actual letter written for application of leave:


         "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".



                                                       Letter writing:-


                        "I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."



                                              A candidate's job application:


          "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.


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Small wishlist of Women


 That's all Women want....


                                                                 ..Plain looking husband



                                                               ...normal simple ring

                                                     


                                                                  ...small wedding party

            
                                                               ...honeymoon at any place
                                           
    
                                                   ...small house for the kids to run around

  
                                                                      ...lovely children
                                         
                                            
                            
                                                            ...husband is a family man

           
                                                                ...but work hard

                                                         ...small car for shopping
                               
      
                                                                  ...another car for kids
           
                   
                                                                    ...some collections

                                               
                                                          ...shoes for each occasion

           
                                                                  ...some nice outfits

                                                     
                                                                 ...a bit of cosmetics


...a bit of makeup



...overseas trip once a year



...more often on domestic trips


                                                                      ...dinners 


                                                                 ... Presents occasionally

                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .
                                         .



                                                                   ...finally, some securities.
                                 
                                                                                                                                             
                                          Excellent wishes !!!!  What about the Climax...
                                             
                                                                           -
                                                                        
                                                                           -
                                                                        
                                                                           -
                                                                           
                                                                          -
                                                                         
                                                                          -
                                                                           
                                                                           -

                                                                          -

                                                                           -

                                                                           -

                                                                           -

                                                                           -

                                                                            -

                                                                            -

                                                                             -

                                                                             -

                                                                            -

                                         Final Stage of Husband after fulfilling those things !!

                                                                                                                                                                                                               
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LOVE STORY OF ENGINEER




I was in 12th
she was in 12th

I got B.Tech
She got BCA

I was doing B.Tech
She got MBA

I was preparing 4 M.TECH enterance
She got married

I m doing M.TECH
She's d mother of 2 children

I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st std.

I became DOCTRATE
Her daughter passed 10th,

I have joined job.
Her daughter joined college.

The greatest irony-
Today is my ENGAGMENT & her daughter is my FIANCEE.
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Ultimate Definition (DOCTOR) - Part 27




DOCTOR
A person 
who kills 
your ills
by pills, 
and kills you 
by his bills!
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10 working tips


1.Do not get into trouble 




2.Aim for greater heights 



3.Stay focus on your job 



4.Exercise to maintain good health 




5.Practice Team work 




6.Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back 



7.Save for rainy days 



8.Rest and relax 



9.Always smile when your boss is around 



10.Nothing is impossible 


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Rajini Kanth & 10 Comedies



Once upon a time Rajnikant used Tooth Powder to get strong teeth

Today that powder is known as “AMBUJA CEMENT”



Once a photo of Rajnikant was givenfor Xerox.

Don’t even try to guess what happened”¦

We got two copies of the Xerox machine.



All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did...

Q: Which liquid turns solid on heating?

A: Dosa... mind it!!!



“Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe”

air comes to hide in his lungs”

If Rajni works in BPO, clients would work in shifts! :D



Once a farmer replaces scare crow in the farm with Rajnikant’s statue”
..And Birds returned grains they took last year as well



Rajnikant purchased a road roller”¦

Guess why??????

To Iron his Clothes”



Rajnikant started college. All student were confused while taking admission because

name of college is “Rajnikant’s Medical College of Engineering for Commerce”.



When Rajnikant was a Student
Teachers use to Bunk the classes!!!



When Rajnikant was studying in 3rd std....some one stole his rough note....&
Now they call it as .............Wikipedia


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Ultimate Definition (POLITICIAN) - Part 26



POLITICIAN
One who 
shakes your hand 
before elections 
and your Confidence 
Later 
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Do you want to take DAY OFF ? Check this.... n think....



Lets take a look at what you are asking for :-

There are 365 days in the year available for work.

There are 52 weeks in the year, in which you already have two days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 50 minutes each day in coffee breaks which accounts for 25 days per year, leaving only 68 days available.

With 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend two days per year on sick leave.

This leaves only 20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you take that day off
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Three reasons computers must be MALE




  1. You have to 'turn them on' to get their attention.
  2. Although they are supposed to solve problems, half the time they are the problem.
  3. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if only you had waited you could have had a better model.

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Ultimate Definition (BOSS) - Part 25




BOSS
Someone 
who is early 
when you are late 
and late 
when you are early 
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Ultimate Definition (CRIMINAL) - Part 24





CRIMINAL
A Person
no different 
from the other, 
unless he gets caught 
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Ultimate Definition (FATHER) - Part 23



FATHER
A banker 
provided by 
nature 

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Ultimate Definition (MISER) - Part 22




MISER
A person 
who lives poor 
so that 
he can die RICH! 
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Ultimate Definition (OPTIMIST) - Part 20




OPTIMIST
A person 
who while falling 
from EIFFEL TOWER 
says in midway 
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!" 
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